fatherless father

I had a dream I could buy my way to heaven.
When I awoke I began to teach about repentance.
But its hard to live this life without resentment
Can you hear me you !!!?
Hoping my father can hear me
The closest we ever were was the semen he used to bear me.
Now my vision is  ablur what I envisioned impaired
The cycle continued as I explained to my daughter
Why daddy wasnt always there
About how me and her mother never were.
My vision is clear what I envision is rare
But my path is clear the road to perfection begins with imperfect
perfections
And I can thank my father for the very few times he stepped into
My life and what he never taught me
and the bullshit he bought me
And the times he said sorry
But I could never forget the times I needed him THE MOST but he never saw me
So Then life began to bore
His presence began to abhor me
Now my daughter needs me and I am the same story
She will tell me when she explains how she lost me
but I wont let that happen
I WILL STEP IN AND TEACH HER TO BE DEPENDENTLY INDEPENDENT
AND IF A MAN SAYS HE LOVES YOU ON THE THIRD DATE HE IS ONLY PRETENDING
AND IF HE BEATS YOU LEAVE HIM DONT DEFEND HIM
AND IF HE PRAYS WITH YOU DOESNT MEAN HE WILL STAY WITH YOU
TEACH HER TO BE STRONG AND NEVER TO TRY OUT THE WRONG THINGS
WHEN TIMES ARE HARD
I WILL SHOW HER THAT HER BODY IS A GIFT OF THE PRESENT AND IT SHOULD ONLY BE GIVEN TO HIM WHO WILL BE HERE AND NOW AND PAST THE FUTURE
I WILL SHOW HER HOW TO FIGHT SO IF SHE LOSE SHE'LL KNOW DADDY STILL TAUGHT HER RIGHT
I WILL HUG HER AND LOVE HER SO SHE WONT HAVE TO BEG ANOTHER MAN TO SEX HER SO HE WILL LOVE HER
I WILL BE THERE
MY VISION IS CLEAR WHAT I ENVISION IS RARE A FATHER FIGURE I WILL BE
EVEN THOUGH MY FATHER WASNT THERE
BUT I STILL SEE MY FATHER AND I GUESS HE REALLY TAUGHT ME
THAT THE MAN HE NEVER BECOME

IVE ALREADY BECOME

my last pencil

I use to treat love (females) like a supply of pencils I get in a box and I remember well getting my first chance to break the seal on my first box (virgin-hood). After opening it up and getting my first one out, I would use it to the best of my ability (experience building) , trying to take care of it (love relationship), but as some as the lead would break I would try to find something to get the point back, but not too pressed because I had lots more where that one came from (plenty fish in the sea attitude).

One after another, I would either whine up losing the next pencil or playing around with it by challenges in pencil fights (arguments) and not even caring about how I was using them or going right through them(female abuses). Then one day I notice my box was empty and I was down to my last pencil. Only then did I start to realize how important and valuable they were. Oh, I treated that last pencil extra good, I worried about losing it, bitching out on pencil fight challenges, I mean kept that pencil in fine shape, caring for it like it was the last one on earth.

When the lead would break, man I would get a knife, scissors edge, razor blade or rub in on the concrete. If the rubber on the head was wearing down until the metal piece would tear my paper while erasing, I would bite down on the tip until more erase would come out and if that didnt work, I'd start tearing the tin from around it until just enough was left to hold whatever was left for me to use it. But in time I knew that as hard as I tried, the pencil was coming to its end, no more erase, no more lead. Only until then did I think that I should had been taking care of all of them the way I treated my last one

that girl

She was looking for love in the all wrong places .only thing that change was the changing faces
Her misplaced self hatred
Showed in the men she encountered...
Searching for that real man that will discover the real her...
She was holding on to a broken heart
From the start which Never seemed to heal but hoping to find a real love that she could feel.
every guy wanted her to be that girl the one they could sleep with but none of them wanted to be the one she could wake up with
as she cried her self to sleep at night all she was comforted by was her war tears that left a permeate stain on her pillow a reminder every night before she goes to bed that she was jest "THAT GIRL"

Computer Love

We were integrated circuits
Sending signals across spread sheets
On pillows Microsoft
Together we laid there embedded
Performing delicate functions
Executing programs to your memory banks
Influencing all your algorithms
I was processing the possibilities
Moving at light speed
Each gigabyte excited my hard drive
Your mainframe had me multitasking

Our love went viral all over the world wide web
Your database needed my intersecting RAM
So I went deep into your subroutines
Computing bits of logic
To dump your system of unsolicited spam

Instant messaging binary codes  uploaded
Uninterrupted simulations of love making to your soul
Operating seamlessly, 64 bits of memory
Crashing ⿦ my heart is on overload
The flow of control
Hacking my I.p. address
Extinguishing my firewall
There exposed, for you  your love to decode

You became my private server
Connecting us forever
Looking through window screens
My heart singing and pinging
Reminding me
You are a great cache
We internet

Lost Tomorrow

I AM IN SEARCH OF MY LOST TOMORROW

WHERE CAN I FIND IT WHEN MY PAST HAS BEEN DASHED

WHY IN THIS WORLD WOULD MY PAST BE FORSAKEN

EVERYBODY SAYS THAT IS HOW WE WILL LAST


CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE IS MY LOST TOMORROW

MAYBE THE FUTURE IS WHERE I WILL FIND

THE LOVE OF MY LOINS AND THE SALVE OF MY MIND

THE LINGERING SMILE OF AN ANGEL THAT'S KIND


WHAT WILL I DO WITH MY LOST TOMORROW

WILL I TRY TO HOLD AND RELIVE

LOVING OF SOFTNESS WILL MAKE ME STRONG

HOPING MY LIFE WILL BE GENTLE AND LONG


SONGS OF MY PAST ARE IN MY LOST TOMORROW

AND SONGS OF MY LOVES ARE IN THERE TOO

A CHANCE OF US LINGERING IN THIS BLISSFULL STATE

FOLDING IN SPACE WHERE OUR LOVE WE WILL PURSUE

LET ME CATCH YOUR TEARS

I reach out my hand to you⿦ pull you close to me
Let me catch your tears⿦ cry on my shoulders
Let me wipe the tears from cheeks⿦ kissing yours lip with assurance
Assurance of comfort and security⿦ I am here to protect your soul
Heartache resonates through your body⿦ leaving you motionless
Don⿿t blink away the tears⿦ let me catch them, drop by drop
Life will never have a chance to get to you in this way again
Lay upon my chest and let the tear roll down side of my body
I am your soldier in war⿦ my strength is your shield and fortress
I will wrap my arms around you⿦ keeping the cold from taking over your body
The cleansing of the soul is a state of vulnerability⿦ and the enemy is lying in the mist
So I stand watch⿦ catching your ghost
The ghosts that captured your soul with unwanted memories
I will chase them away with my prolific mental, spiritual armor
So⿦ let me catch your tears⿦ ending the pain, and starting tears of joy⿦ real happiness